Homebase?

10 • 30 • 18  Ifran, Morocco

It’s snowing outside and I feel at home
watching snow leave a field full of October patches
Yet I feel equally at home
watching sea spray fly off of Rabat’s sunset cliffs
Can they co-exist?
Is home every place I’ve ever lived? loved? hated?
How can I love all these things
too far for thread to stitch
together
Will I always be frayed? strained?
Trying to love and be too many things
at once
What if I don’t want to change?
Hey pain
you might just have to live inside me
occasionally rising bile into my throat
and terror into my dreams
I’m sorry for loving too hard
holding too tight
I know it would be easier if I didn’t
But
these fingers can’t help but grab more than they can hold
Destined to weave my feet into every place
they walk too often
I tried to hold back
but whole is too lonely
I think I’d rather split pieces away
even if it hurts too much
to stand
on these wobbly
torn apart toes